Escaping an abusive relationship

Domestic abuse is often a hidden crime which occurs mainly in the home, leading to high levels of underreporting. Despite this, figures from the Office of National Statistics for the year ending March 2025, show that 3.8 million people aged 16+ experienced domestic abuse in England and Wales. Both women and men are subject to abuse, with 2.2 million women reporting abuse and 1.5 million men.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is an incident or pattern of incidents involving controlling, threatening, coercive or violent behaviour. In most cases, it occurs between partners but can also be perpetrated by a family member or carer. While all genders can be victims, most incidents involve males abusing females.

More specifically, domestic abuse can include:

• Physical abuse – attacking you, pulling hair, using objects as weapons
• Psychological abuse – threatening, screaming, shouting, gaslighting, mocking, sulking
• Coercive control – isolating you, tracking you, controlling what you do, what you wear, what you eat and where you go, humiliating and degrading you
• Financial abuse – controlling access to money and finances, can include running up debts in your name, stopping you from working and earning money, not contributing to any household expenses
• Sexual abuse – rape, giving you drugs that affect your ability to consent, using force to make you commit sexual acts, degrading you during sex
• Digital abuse – use of smart technology to monitor you, spy on you and control you, having access to your phone, social media and online bank accounts

Making the decision to leave

Many people wonder why those in an abusive relationship don’t just leave. However, if you have been isolated from your family and friends, been physically and/or psychologically abused, threatened and financially controlled, it can feel too challenging to leave.

If you feel confused, guilty or full of self-blame, do remember:

• Everyone deserves to live in peace and without fear of abuse
• Your children deserve a safe and happy life
• You are not to blame for the abuse
• You are not the cause of your abuser’s behaviour
• You cannot fix or help an abuser – by staying you are enabling their behaviour and perpetuating the problem
• Your partner may love bomb you and promise never to do it again – but they will because they have deep emotional and psychological problems and only extensive professional help can help them change
• You are not alone; there are people and organisations ready to help you

Seeking help

If you have decided to leave an abuser, you may need specialist support. If possible, reach out to trusted family or friends to make them aware of the situation. Professional organisations that can offer help and practical advice include:

• Your GP or practice nurse will be able to signpost local help available
• If you have children, confide in a teacher or school counsellor – the welfare of the children’s family is part of their role and again, they will be able to advise on a way forward
• If you work, your HR department can also be a source of help and information
• Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 0808 2000 247 – this is a free service available 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. You do not need to give a name or address but can talk to trained counsellors about the steps involved in leaving an abusive relationship
• Consult the government website https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help for more organisations that can support you
• Consult the NHS website https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/for general information on how to seek help
• If there is any risk to personal safety call the Police and if a criminal act has been committed, do consider pressing charges
• Specifically in the Sussex area, Rise offer sanctuary and support https://www.riseuk.org.uk/
• On a national level, support is offered by https://refuge.org.uk/ and https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
• For LGBT+ victims and survivors of abuse, Galop offer specialist support https://galop.org.uk/
• For male victims, Mankind specifically helps men escaping domestic violence  https://mankind.org.uk/

Developing a safety plan

If you are unable to leave immediately, it can help to set up a safety plan:

• Try to find a room in the house where you can go to feel safe and escape the abuse. Ideally this will have a door bolt, telephone and outside window or door
• Confide in a trusted family member, friend or neighbour what is happening and develop a safe word which you can share with them and any children, to signal that you are in danger and for them to call the police
• Be ready to leave at any given moment and keep a separate set of keys for your home and car in case they are taken away from you
• If possible, have a secret back up mobile phone which your partner cannot use to monitor and track you
• Ask a friend or family member to be on standby to provide short term shelter if you leave
• Hide a bag of necessities that you can grab if leaving in a hurry
• Keep important phone numbers somewhere safe in case your phone is taken from you
• Keep any important documents you want to take, somewhere you can access them in a hurry

How a family lawyer can help

A family lawyer can be a trusted and valuable support for victims of domestic abuse. They can signpost organisations that offer practical and emotional help and more importantly, they can use the law to help protect you and your children, using injunctions.

An injunction is a court order made under the Family Law Act that instructs a person that they are prohibited from committing certain actions.

There are two types of orders that can help to protect victims of domestic abuse and violence:

• A Non-Molestation Order instructs a person that they are forbidden from committing certain acts, such as violent or threatening behaviour towards you and your children.
• An Occupation Order is used to control who is allowed to live in or visit the family home, including the area around it. The order can also state who is responsible for paying the mortgage or rent.

At Tisshaws, we are highly experienced in obtaining both types of Family Law Act orders, as well as representing people who have been served them. Many years of experience as specialist lawyers has taught us that each individual situation is very different. We can help by listening sensitively, giving you straightforward legal advice and supporting you in making choices that will work best for you and your family.

If you are struggling with issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £150 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at info@tisshawssolicitors.co.uk or complete the form below.