What to do when an ex turns your child against you

It is completely normal for children to feel confused and upset in the aftermath of separation and divorce. Parents often feel the brunt of these emotions and again, it is often the case that the children will be angry and behave in a hostile manner towards their parents.

However, if you feel that an ex is actively encouraging your child to turn against you, it is important to address the issue. This behaviour is known as parental alienation and can damage a child’s mental and emotional wellbeing.

Indications of parental alienation

Although it can be difficult to uncover any child’s motives for their behaviour, possible signs of parental alienation include the following:

• The child saying things about a parent based on false information given to them by the other parent
• The child expressing negative and unjustifiable views of a parent’s wider family
• A child using adult-phrases and complaints to criticise the alienated parent
• A parent not being informed about important events in the child’s life
• A parent not being invited to share in welfare decisions about the child
• A parent consistently making contact time difficult
• A parent not passing on messages and gifts from the other parent
• A parent playing victim, acting hurt or betrayed if the child shows any affection for their other parent

What can you do if you suspect parental alienation

This is an immensely challenging situation but there are several ways in which you can help to minimise the impact:

• Keep a log of every incident where you feel your child is showing signs of parental alienation
• Reassure your child that they are loved by both parents and refrain from indulging in parental alienation yourself
• Maintain as much regular contact as possible, keeping to set routines to maintain stability
• Understand that the views and behaviour your child is demonstrating are not their fault
• Try talking to your ex about how important it is for a child to feel that they are loved and supported by both parents – without this knowledge, their wellbeing and mental health is at stake
• Seek professional advice from a family lawyer

How can a family lawyer help deal with parental alienation?

Before escalating the case to court, a family lawyer can advise on mediation as a way in which both parents can explore what is happening and agree a more positive way forward.

If this doesn’t work, a family lawyer can help you gather evidence to present to the court. While parental alienation is not classified as a crime, the courts recognise the detrimental impact it has on the welfare of a child. The courts define the behaviour as emotional abuse and are able to take various actions which include:

• Securing court orders for the child and/or the whole family to receive therapy
• To change the child’s contact arrangements and residence from one parent to another
• Warning the alienating parent that they will be fined or sent to prison if they persist in their behaviour
• In extreme cases involve the Local Authority which can lead to care proceedings.

If you are struggling with issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £150 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at info@tisshawssolicitors.co.uk or complete the form below.