Effective co-parenting after divorce

In the wake of divorce, effective co-parenting will help your children to feel secure and stable, as well as supporting them in maintaining a close relationship with both parents. While co-parenting and shared custody after divorce can be challenging, this tension can be eased when the personal relationship you have with your ex-partner is removed from the co-parenting relationship.

What is co-parenting?

Co-parenting involves both parents playing an active role in their children’s daily lives. This means making shared decisions and interacting with each other. Where parents are still hurt and angry over a split, this can feel like an impossible task. However, effective co-parenting has an enormous impact on the positive wellbeing of your children and so is worth the effort. Bear in mind that while the marriage may be over, your family is not, and you are both still responsible for the welfare of your children.

Put the children’s needs first

It’s important that the needs and security of your children remain your main priority. In this regard, do not expose them to any conflict between you and your ex-partner. It’s also important not to bad mouth each other to the children or to encourage them to take sides. You should both try to spend as much quality time with them as possible and ensure they maintain relationships with wider family members, especially grandparents. This will help the children to maintain some stability.

Developing a parenting plan

A parenting plan is a good way to reach agreements and clarification on a range of child-related issues including contact time, bedtimes, diet, schooling, health, vaccinations, religion, holidays and introducing new partners. If you can discuss these together and reach an agreement, these can form part of any plan to help you move forward and maintain the stability and security of the children. Where this is not possible, an impartial family friend, mediator or family counsellor can help you both to reach agreements on how your children’s daily life is managed.

While parenting plans are not legally binding, they provide a useful reference for parents in working together to raise their children. As circumstances change, it can be adjusted accordingly to account for any extra-curricular activities and the children’s growing independence.

Planning Together for Children Course

Where conflict is high, some parents will be referred to a Planning Together for Children course run by CAFCASS (the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) for the Ministry of Justice. This supports parents in putting the needs of their children first and protecting them from conflict, while their parents separate. More information can be found here: https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/parent-carer-or-family-member/my-family-involved-private-law-proceedings/help-planning-together-children

If you are struggling with leaving an abusive partner and issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.