How to have difficult conversations around divorce

Divorce is a time of difficult and painful conversations. At such a challenging time, many people shy away from open and honest communication, but it is important for efficiently and effectively resolving the issues that arise from family breakdown.

Given this, we’ve put together some advice to help you navigate these conversations and improve any outcomes.

Before the conversation

Before you meet to talk, we would advise you to consider the following:

• Decide what your objective is in having the conversation. What do you want to achieve?
• Prepare your questions or requests in advance. Write them down and even role play the conversation with a friend.
• Choose a private place to meet where you won’t be disturbed, preferably on neutral ground.
• Choose a time where neither of you will need to rush off to other commitments.
• When arranging the meeting, inform your ex of the purpose of the conversation and what you hope to achieve.

During the conversation

• Stay calm and focused. Do not match anger with anger and try to remain as dignified and respectful as possible.
• Use ‘I’ statements, making the subject about what you want and not blaming them. For example, I find it hard to cope with your drinking, as opposed to, Your drinking has ruined everything.
• Listen actively. Do not talk over your ex and repeat back what they have said to ensure you understand what they are saying.
• Acknowledge their feelings.
• Focus on the present and the future.
• Set boundaries for how you will talk to each other and take breaks if necessary.
• If you are struggling to respond to an ex, ask for more time to consider what they are saying.
• End the conversation with clarification on what has been said and next steps forward.

After the conversation

• Write up what was said, any agreements and proposed next steps to share between you for further clarity.
• Plan to release some tension with a walk, gym session, time with a friend or any other activity that helps you to relax.
• If the conversation has not gone well, do consider mediation as a way forward. In this instance, an impartial trained family mediator can facilitate a conversation between you and help you both to reach mutually agreeable solutions.

If you are struggling with issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at info@tisshawssolicitors.co.uk or complete the form below.