How to support SEN & ASD children through divorce

Parenting a child with Special Educational Needs (SEN) or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), can be as rewarding as it is challenging. Sadly, many of these challenges can put an intolerable strain on relationships resulting in separation and divorce. While family breakdown is difficult for all children, it can be particularly unsettling for SEN and ASD children, who need the stability of routine and familiarity to thrive.

Here we explore what can be done to minimise the impact of separation and divorce on these children.

Maintain routines & continuity

Where at all possible, try to stick to your children’s normal home and school routines. Hopefully, these are both safe spaces for children who can find the wider world a bewildering place, so keeping some stability in these places can help to reassure them.

We would also suggest shielding the children from any conflict between you and your partner. While this is important for all children dealing with the impact of family breakdown, shouting and arguing can be particularly traumatic for SEN and ASD children to cope with.

Housing

Many SEN and ASD children will live in adapted homes with special equipment, making it difficult to move home. This is compounded if family breakdown involves moving area and having to deal with a whole new Local Authority, as well as new education and healthcare providers. Given this, there are several things which can help you to move on from each other, while maintaining the family home.

When this is the case, the practice of ‘bird nesting’ is an excellent idea. In this scenario, the children remain living in the home, while the parents take it in turns to reside there with them. It does require either a second property or the ability to stay with extended family or friends who live locally. Where this is not possible, other alternatives can involve converting a garage into a self-contained unit or installing a liveable garden room.

If the children do end up living across two homes, it’s a good idea to try to make them as similar as possible in terms of décor and facilities. A transitional object can also be a comfort which the children can keep with them, wherever they are staying.

It is also important to use neutral language around each residence. For example, mum’s house or dad’s house, without nominating one as ‘home,’ as this can be confusing.

Co-parenting

If you are struggling to co-parent, mediation can help you both to reach an agreement on how this can best work. We would recommend that you work on a parenting schedule together to ensure that in terms of day-to-day logistics, medical and educational decisions, you are both on the same page.

Any family breakdown is traumatic, and it is important not to override your own needs. Self-care in terms of nutrition, exercise, social activities and adequate sleep will support you and help you to cope with the split.

Finances

The cost of caring for an SEN or ASD child can be intense as often there is special care, equipment and transportation that must be paid for. It may also be that one parent is unable to work in paid employment. This means that in the event of divorce, a fair and just settlement is made taking all these factors into account.

Professional support

For those who are overwhelmed and struggling, the support of a family therapist, counsellor, speech or occupational therapist can make a real difference.

We would also advise seeking the support of an experienced family lawyer as the legal landscape, particularly in relation to financial considerations, is highly complex. Not only will they provide emotional support but can alleviate all the worries around the legal complexities at play in these circumstances.

If you are struggling with issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £150 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at info@tisshawssolicitors.co.uk or complete the form below.