Introducing a new partner to your children

With tensions running high during the divorce process, introducing a new partner to your children can be a contentious issue. Given this, we’ve put together some tips to help you cope with this important milestone in a positive way.

Talk to your ex

Effective co-parenting post-divorce means you both sing from the same song sheet. So, before any introductions are made, it is important to sit down and talk honestly and sensitively about the process of introducing a new partner to your children. Listen to each other’s fears and concerns and try to address any issues together. Discuss whether you would like to meet the new partner before they are introduced to your child. Also develop some boundaries and guidelines, such as when is it okay for the new partner to spend the night when the children are there, or when are you comfortable about you taking them away with the new partner. If one of you has moved out of the family home into your new partner’s home, discuss ways the children can visit with and without the new partner being present.

Prioritise the children’s feelings

Only you can anticipate how your children might cope with meeting their parents’ new partners. Do not rush the process and do not tell them that they will love this new person in their lives. This places too much pressure on the children to form an attachment to someone they do not yet know. At all times, they should feel safe and be made aware that they are loved by you and remain a priority in their lives.

Plan the introduction and build up slowly

The breakdown of their parent’s marriage or relationship will have destabilised the children and it’s important not to further overwhelm them with a new partner. While you may feel excited by your new relationship, do not be in a hurry to make the introduction and do ensure this is a serious and lasting relationship. If not, your children will feel confused and bewildered when any new partners disappear from their lives. Understand that they will need time to process this new development in your life and build up the time you share with the children and your new partner slowly.

Try to maintain a positive attitude

In the spirit of it takes a village to raise a child, try to see a new partner as being a source of additional support, guidance and maybe even love, for your children. If you can be positive about their presence in your children’s lives, they will probably be positive about you and the parenting process too. Hopefully, over time you will build trust and respect between you which will benefit everyone, particularly the children. Never bad mouth an ex’s new partner to your children because this may cause them to feel they have to take sides and can make them feel anxious.

When you cannot agree

If you are really struggling to reach any kind of agreement concerning the introduction and role of new partners into your children’s lives, a mediation session may help. In this scenario, an impartial mediator experienced in family dynamics can help you both to reach an agreement and develop a shared parenting plan for moving forward in this area.

Do remember that if you try to prevent your children from meeting your ex’s new partner, it may end up compromising the time they can spend with your ex. This can be upsetting for the children, and they may end up resenting you for it.

Safeguarding

The only real reason to stop your children from meeting an ex’s new partner, is if there are issues around safeguarding. These could include addiction issues, a criminal record or history of violence or sexual offences. If you feel your children are at risk, a family lawyer can help you to obtain a Child Arrangements Order granting you sole custody and responsibility for the children.

If you are struggling with issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at info@tisshawssolicitors.co.uk or complete the form below.