How to break up a significant relationship

Breaking up a significant relationship is one life’s most difficult challenges. There is no easy way to minimise the impact, pain and consequences of ending a relationship with someone you once loved and hoped to share your future with.

The key is to end the relationship without feeling bitter, a feeling that can be carried into and ruin any subsequent relationships you have. The advice here is to help you to break up with your integrity and respect intact.

Do not delay the breakup once you have made your decision

Deciding that a relationship is over can take a long time and our advice on this process can be found here https://www.tisshawssolicitors.co.uk/is-your-marriage-over/

However, once you know that it is over, do act on your decision. If you don’t, your feelings can spill over into negative behaviour such as moodiness, excessive drinking and picking arguments, in an attempt to force your partner into questioning or ending the relationship.

The time and place

We would suggest meeting face-to-face in a calm and neutral location which offers privacy and the space to talk uninterrupted. If you live together, arrange to stay elsewhere for a few days to put some distance between you and allow your partner to process what has been discussed.

The breakup conversation

Do not pussyfoot around the issue, this conversation is about closure. Use clear and calm language to explain that you want to end the relationship. Do not blame your partner but focus on yourself and your own needs. For example, “I’m sorry but we are no longer compatible. There is nothing wrong with you or me, but we no longer work together and are no longer right for each other.”

Listen to your partner but do not try and defend any accusations against you. Just explain that neither of you are able to give each other what you now need or want. It is nobody’s fault and there is no need to apportion blame.

Do not leave room for false hope

You cannot leave any room for hope of a future reconciliation. The kindest thing is to cut all ties and let both of you move on, either alone or with a new partner able to reciprocate the love and care you both deserve. In this respect, you need to state and keep to your boundaries, such as no phone calls, messages or meet ups.

During these early days, you both need space and time to process your grief and feelings of loss about the breakup. You cannot be friends.

Develop a new vision for the future

One of the most difficult things to adjust to is your vision of the future. Where once you both shared dreams of your future life together, there is now an empty void. While it is difficult, imagine your life in 1, 5 and 10 years’ time if you stayed together. The relationship would still suffer and struggle with the same issues it is contending with today. Be confident that as the pain mellows, you will rebuild a meaningful life, and potentially a new relationship which is more compatible with your own values, ambitions and aspirations.

If you are struggling with issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £150 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at info@tisshawssolicitors.co.uk or complete the form below.