How to end a significant relationship

Breaking up a significant relationship is one of the hardest challenges we will ever need to face. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid the pain, heartache and consequences of ending a relationship. If you are currently involved with someone you want to leave, here’s our advice for ensuring it ends in the most humane way possible.

Act on your decision to end the relationship

Nobody wants to wilfully break someone’s heart and there is a temptation to put off having the difficult conversations which follow once you announce that for you the relationship is over. Yet this avoidance can often lead to behaviours that include moodiness, excessive drinking, staying out late and picking arguments with your partner, in the hope that they will take the first step in ending the relationship. If you know the relationship is over, you need to take responsibility for that and act on it.

Do not leave any room for doubt

If you are determined that the relationship is over and the love has gone, be assured that in the long term it is best for both of you to move on. Even if your partner claims to still be in love with you, if you no longer love them, it is kinder to let them go, to find a partner who can reciprocate their love.

While we all want to play the nice guy in trying not to hurt a partner, it is kinder to be emphatic that for you the relationship is over. Do not leave any room for doubt or hope of a reconciliation. Breaking someone’s heart that you still care for is awful, but offering false hope is simply prolonging their agony. Being blunt and direct is difficult but in these circumstances, it is much kinder and more mature than pretending there could be a potential reconciliation in the future.

Avoid any element of blame

It’s important to take joint responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship to avoid descending into the blame game. Accepting that you were just as much to blame as your partner will help you both to move forward on a more equal footing and make any subsequent communication between you less stressful and hostile.

Develop a new vision for the future

Often when a significant relationship ends, one of the hardest things to let go of is not the person but the vision of a future lifestyle together. If your partner is struggling to come to terms with this, show them how any future together would be marred by the same issues and incompatibility that you are experiencing now. You can also help them to see a better brighter future for themselves without the problems caused by the relationship.

If you are struggling with the impact of divorce and separation, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.

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