Support & self-care during divorce

The impact of divorce on your emotional, mental and physical health cannot be underestimated. It can be a time of immense loneliness and destabilisation. You have not only lost someone that you once loved, but you are also grappling with a lost future and the task of trying to forge a new identity.

To help you navigate this challenging period we have put together some advice.

Make space for your feelings

As you grapple with the fallout from separation and divorce your emotions will be strong and varied, from anger to sadness and everything in between. It’s important to give yourself the space to indulge these feelings, as repressing them can lead to additional problems further down the line. Many people find speaking to a trusted friend, counsellor or therapist can help to process these difficult and wide ranging feelings.

Dealing with divorce regret

Feeling regret over the breakdown of the relationship is a natural and normal response. You may find yourself wishing you had tried harder to make it work and replaying both positive and negative aspects of the marriage in your mind. Dealing with this means being honest about why the relationship ended and exploring the weaknesses and incompatibilities that caused the split. If it is possible, talking this through with your ex can help you see that you split up for a reason. Again, if this isn’t possible a trusted friend, counsellor or therapist can help you to sort through and process any feelings of regret.

Self-care routines

At a time of huge upheaval, it can help to try and establish or maintain a self-care routine. The bedrock of wellbeing involves good sleep, nutrition, physical exercise and social connections. Try to develop a routine which prioritises several of these, for example committing to 10 minutes of physical activity a day, minimising your consumption of ultra processed foods and alcohol, interacting with a friend each day and setting regular bedtimes and getting up times, even if you are finding it hard to sleep.

Seeking professional advice

There will be no shortage of advice from friends, family and the internet. However, there is no substitute for professional advice, so do talk to a family lawyer. They can advise you on the legal landscape specific to your situation and it can really help to feel that there is a professional on your side who is looking out for you. Having the correct legal advice will also allow you to make informed decisions moving forward, along with ensuring that your divorce concludes with a fair and just settlement.

Protect your children from conflict and stress

Try to protect your children from overhearing heated arguments and do not bad mouth each other to them. Where possible, stick to their normal routines, ensure they continue to feel loved and that they understand that what is happening is not their fault. It’s also important to reassure them that they will continue to spend time with you both.

Reaching a place of acceptance

At times when your emotions are raging it will feel impossible to imagine that you will ever reach a place of calm acceptance. But time mellows even the deepest of feelings and at some point, your new routine will come to feel normal. So, while there may still be moments where emotion gets the better of you as you mourn the marriage, you will rebuild a life that is both satisfying and meaningful.

Books to support, amuse & entertain you

While you may not wish to always indulge your divorce by reading of other people’s experiences, some of the following titles may help to put your situation in perspective:

• Heartburn by Nora Ephron – the screenwriter’s husband left her when she was 7 months pregnant and struggling to raise their two-year-old. Based on her own experiences, Heartburn is funny, intelligent and insightful. The main character is a cookery writer, and the book includes several recipes to try.
• Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert – as Gilbert grapples with the realisation that her marriage is failing, this book will make you feel seen.
• Aftermath: On Marriage and Separation by Rachel Cusk – a raw and honest account of Cusk’s first year of separation and her efforts to rebuild a new life for herself and her children.
• The Wedding People by Alison Espach – full of dark humour, it explores how a life can be rebuilt in totally unexpected ways.
• Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey – a funny and cathartic tale of a 28-year-old woman navigating an unexpected divorce.

If you are struggling with issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £150 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at info@tisshawssolicitors.co.uk or complete the form below.