Supporting children with Special Needs (SEN) through divorce

Looking after children with Special Needs (SEN) or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) can be hugely challenging and put a strain on any relationship. If the relationship breaks down resulting in separation and divorce, it can be particularly hard for these children to cope. While all children thrive on routine and stability, it is especially important to SEN and ASD children. Any new routines and new circumstances arising from the divorce will need to be carefully managed.

Here we consider various ways in which parents can work towards a child-focused outcome which prioritises the child’s emotional and financial stability.

Maintaining continuity and a stable routine

When explaining the change in your relationship to your child communicate clearly using age-appropriate language. Assure them of your love and support and reassure them that none of this is their fault. Minimise any conflict between you and your ex in front of the child and do not speak negatively of each other.

Where possible, it is important to keep the child’s home and school routine as normal as possible. Visual aids can be useful, such as schedules and calendars, to record any new arrangements. Try to be as patient and flexible as possible as your child comes to term with any change.

Housing issues

Home is where SEN children feel safe and relaxed. It may also be adapted with specialist equipment for children with physical disabilities, be close to the child’s specialist school and any funded in-home care paid for by the local authority. All these factors can make it difficult to face selling or moving away from the family home.

While all circumstances are different, if it is possible, do consider ‘bird nesting.’ This involves the child living permanently in the family home, while the parents take it in turns to live there. This does require either a second property or local family home for the alternative accommodation.

If this is not possible and the home needs to be sold, your child will need to get used to visiting each parent in different locations. In this instance, think about doubling up on décor and resources to maintain stability for the child. Introducing a transitional object, such as a blanket or soft toy, that the child can take between the properties can also be soothing.

Where there are two homes try to use neutral language, such as mum’s house and dad’s house as opposed to calling one property home, as this can be confusing for the child.

Financial issues

Where divorce includes SEN children, the financial settlement must consider whether one parent is unable to earn an income owing to caring duties. Also, any long-term care needs of the child, specialist financial equipment and transportation will need to be funded and balanced alongside any financial benefits the child is entitled to.

Advice for parents

It is important that you both commit to co-parenting and collaborating in the most positive way possible, to ensure your child copes with the impact of the divorce. You’ll need to schedule care logistics, negotiate medical and educational decisions and cope with any resulting financial strain.

While it may be difficult, it is important to find time for self-care within any new regime. Exercising, meeting a friend, indulging in a hobby or just having a mindful moment and a cup of tea in the garden, can all help to keep your spirits up.

Professional support

Family therapists, counsellors, speech and occupational therapists can all provide additional support and advice to help smooth the process. Therapeutic play can be useful in helping the child to express their emotions in a safe environment.

No one family is the same and particularly in an SEN family, a blanket one size fits all approach is to be avoided. Owing to this, we would recommend seeking out an experienced and specialist family firm, such as Tisshaws, to help you navigate the challenging landscape of divorce.

If you are struggling with issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at info@tisshawssolicitors.co.uk or complete the form below.