What to do if your ex won’t spend time with the children

Children benefit from contact with both parents, and it can be upsetting and frustrating when one parent refuses to stick to arrangements to spend time with their offspring. Reasons why a non-resident parent may not want to commit to specific dates and times can be complicated. Often these parents do want to spend time with their children, but only on terms that suit them.

Other reasons for any reluctance can be more nuanced and include:

• The non-resident parent can’t deal with the drama and increased conflict with the resident parent (with whom the children live) and so avoids them and by default ends up avoiding the children.
• Maybe the non-resident parent did not want the child in the first place, along with the responsibility that goes with being a parent and genuinely has no interest in playing a role in the child’s life and upbringing.
• It could also be a sign that the non-resident parent feels incapable as a parent and so avoids spending time with their children.

If you are a resident parent struggling with an ex not spending time with their children, there are several options that may help.

Mediation

By talking honestly with your ex and offering support in terms of parenting, you may be able to help them appreciate the importance and value of them maintaining a relationship with their children. If this is difficult between the two of you, consider whether the meeting could be arbitrated by a mutual friend or appoint a trained family mediator to help you navigate a way through. If the children are over 10 years old, it can also be possible for the mediator to speak to the children to understand their feelings around the lack of contact.

If everyone has an opportunity to air their views and issues, it can help both sides to see the situation from each other’s perspective and to find a workable way forward.

Going to Court

If no agreement can be reached, either party can apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order. This details all the arrangements for a child, including who they live with, when the child spends time with each parent and what type of contact they have. In this scenario, the non-resident parent will have to commit to a schedule of contact moving forward or risk being in contempt of court. More information on Child Arrangement Orders can be found here https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order

Having said that, the courts appreciate that if the non-resident parent genuinely has no interest in playing a role in their child’s life, they will not make an order which forces them into having regular contact. At all times, the courts will do what is in the best interests of the child and recognise that it is not beneficial to try to force a non-resident parent into contact.

If you are struggling with the impact of divorce and separation, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.